But you love someone else

I think that line sold this song for me.

I mean I love Sufjan Stevens, we all know this.
One day I wanted to have a Stevens marathon so I jumped onto the tube and zoned out. Then this song came on and I hadn't heard it before. It had the usual lovable qualities that his stuff normally does: his voice and that zoning ability that is a must in music for me... I was minding my own business, listening to him, feeling a bit sad like I wanted to and then he throws that line at me: "but you love someone else" and my heart hurts for him, "but you want to be with someone else" and I was SOLD. See the thing is I remember things differently. In my brain one word becomes a whole paragraph and that line became a tragic novel.

So when you're listening to it and thinking "why did this move her so much?" remember that to me a whole love affair is ending, one where he wooed her, loved her and then moved away for some unavoidable reason and she met someone else but he still loved her and they have this huge dramatic heart wrenching break up. This is what's playing as she is walking away from him.

At night. And it's raining. And he doesn't have an umbrella.

"If you once knew how I love you"
Rella x

I am so sorry :(

I feel like a neglectful spouse and all other disappointing things ( ._.)

I can't believe it's been so long since i've posted.

And i've had SO much to talk about like the undercover racism that has been going on at school, what it feels like to not only be a minority but to feel like one every day. Not only relating to race but to attitudes to life aswell... 

I've wanted to talk about the joys of ballroom dancing, the lindy hop taster session that I had and how Charleston kicks changed my life. 

I can't believe how quiet i've become, it's crazy how much living away from the people you care about changes you. How internalised everything becomes.

And I can't blame my absence solely on school because sure, first term has been manic, but i've had time. Tons of it sometimes. And there have been times when i've really wanted to write but I didn't, and i'm really sorry.

Not that you cared or anything. Or noticed that I was gone. 

But any who, I really couldn't let the year pass without saying something...

So to anybody who reads this, reading this, that long gap of neglectfulness wont happen again.

Who am I kidding, it probably will.

But you'll get an apology afterwards, a bunch of flowers and maybe dinner...

Rella x

The YBS Forum 2011

Hello my dears,

On Thursday I made my way to London to perform at this years YBS Forum and can you believe that I actually remembered to ask somebody to record it? I know; gasp! *shock* *faints*. So I guess I should post the video...

The human mic stand? Do you not have one? They're all the rage lol.
Thanks again Dwain for recording this (hugs).

I hope all is well with you dearies,
talk soon. Really I promise..

Rella x

The Young Victoria, Ballroom and other such shenanigans

Oh. My. Gosh.
I am in love.

"You are the only wife i've got or ever will have. You are my whole existence and I will love you until I take my last breath."

With the strings in the background? Are you freaking kidding me? I was on the verge of a swoon. A SWOON.

Seriously, I am ruined. Ruined for all men. Prince Albert has ruined me. *sigh*

All jest aside there is some truth in this. No I am not ruined, but I dunno, with Darcy's and Albert's and "You are my whole existence's" ingrained in my brain there is a small part of me that wouldn't settle for less. I have both high and low standards, I am both a cynic and a romantic and I guess most importantly I both know that Darcy is fictional but hope for my own. What do I mean? I mean that sure film, literature and music are not the most sensible places to form opinions on love from but I know the love that I am capable of giving and would want to be loved in the same way. Well not exactly the same way. In the male equivalent way.

So yes, I am ruined, for all men, except my Darcy/Albert/all the other fictional characters I've spoken about.

But seriously, I really thought that with all the period drama's i've seen and all the times I've swooned that I'd become implacable.. unmovable.. I was wrong. All it took was those words and I was gone, lost. I love movies lol.

Changing the subject though, guess what I did??!!!!!
On monday I fulfilled a dream of mine and took a ballroom class!!! For those of you who don't know; I LOVE dance, I'm obsessed with Strictly Come Dancing and I have always wanted to dance ballroom. Always.
So when I heard of the ballroom society at my uni I practically buzzed with excitement.
Monday was their taster session and I went filled with dreams and anticipation and I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. I can't remember the last time I was so happy. Like really. I don't know what it is about ballroom that fills me with such joy. But I love it. And dancing it was a dream. For me one of the best feelings in the world is being in hold. I felt like such a girl, no, I felt feminine. That is it. Feminine. It was amazing how you could instantly see the difference in dancing when you have a good partner and when you have a not so good partner.

With a good partner everything goes seamlessly. The steps just come, you don't have to think as hard about them and you can feel what he's about to do. But then you get a crappy partner and everything falls apart. Literally, it's a mess. Steps you knew and danced a second ago become gibberish and you can't find your place and YOU have to lead. Fortunately I had more good partners than bad and I left the class on a freaking high. The biggest high i've ever experienced. I can't wait for the next session.

I sang to my new flatmates recently. I hadn't sung since I'd been here and nobody knew about my Rella J-ness. Somehow it came up and somebody asked me to sing. I refused, adamant to keep it all under wraps and then eventually I was like 'I might aswell'. I got Dave and sang Do You Remember.
It's crazy how misunderstood I felt before. It's crazy how big a part music plays in my identity. It's who I am and when they didn't know that I felt like a fraction of myself. Do you know what I mean? Now that they've heard me I feel so relieved. Like I can really be myself now. And be seen as myself and not the fraction that they knew before.

I'm not making any sense. It's hard sometimes to fully communicate what i'm thinking. *sigh*

I guess i'll leave it there.
But to those of you wondering (O.) I'm fine, more than fine, great even. Especially after my Albert encounter. And let me not even get into my new found love of Daniel Day Lewis. I had a field day watching him yesterday. "You can sleep, sleep here in my arms, like a baby bird" *ear kiss* *ear kiss*
Seriously, I AM RUINED.
Rella x