Ego

I wanted to know you,

but you wouldn't let me in.

I told myself for preservation

Stop, stop trying.

You're no good for my ego.

You're no good for my ego.

But you intrigue me,

I want to be close to you

Just to see what our closeness would do

But it seems like you have no desire to

I wont force myself on you

I can't force myself on you

You're no good for my ego

You're no good for my ego

You're no good for my ego

I said, you're no good for my ego.

I'm a songwriter, but I don't see myself as one. See, I write for myself. I've said it over and over but I really mean it. I'm selfish when it comes to my music. I don't think of anybody else, "will people like it?", none of that comes to mind. I write because I have something on my mind and I need a way of expressing it.

That said, it's not always easy. You don't always get it right. Imagine an artist painting a portrait. They're trying to get the image before them down on the canvas as accurately as possible, but it's hard. Sometimes the eyes don't quite match, the nose is too broad, the colouring is off. It's the same with music. Sometimes I can't accurately portray what i'm feeling, or I don't know what i'm feeling accurately enough to portray it. And it's frustrating as heck. But every now and again you get a picasso moment. This was one of those times.

I'm in love with this song guys. It is such a perfect portrayal of everything I was feeling. I wasn't even in a writing mood when this came about. It was a few days ago, I was tidying up my room and randomly thought about the person this song is about. I wrote down the first few lines, frustrated with our 'relationship' and what it was doing to me. I thought about why I wanted to know them better, why anybody wants to know anybody better. It all came out on the page. And I thought that would be it. Usually when I write the lyrics first for a song; I can't get the guitar to fit. Normally it has to happen at the same time. But I pick up Dave, the music comes, the melody writes itself, and in a matter of minutes I have before me a perfect portrait. A melodic picture of my thoughts and my emotions.

It's times like these that makes me love being a musician.
With all the love in the world my dears,

Rella x